A difficult day

This weekend has been very emotional for me.

Yesterday was my birthday, number 27! I think I am doing great things, and looking lovely. I like being 27. I was very emotional when I for real got up for the day. (The first time I got up was when I went to try out my new birthday gift...a gym membership! Whoo hoo!) I am alive. I am well. I feel normal now. I cried and cried thinking how sad this day would have been if Heavenly Father had not spared my life February 11th, when he brought my son into this world. And now, here I am, at home, doing just fine. All three of my beautiful children are happy and for the most part healthy. Ronald and I are doing well. We are blessed with so many things. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ in our home and our lives. It was a good, but very emotional day.

Today, we woke up late (9:30-10am) since we had dinner with mom last night. (Sorry about last night, mommy.) Ronald was playing softball with the Elder's quorum from church, so I thought we would go and support/watch him. I originally wasn't going to. While we were there, there was drama happening in our neighborhood.

We got home, had the police search our house to make sure that our neighbor who wasn't doing so good and had a gun and was threatening suicide wasn't in our home. He wasn't, so we put the kids down for their naps and Ronald got ready for work. The kids didn't nap. Ronald made it to work. Our neighbor took his life. Right next to our property line. On the other side of my Uncle's parcel of land. My brother Tanner told me. At first I was shocked. Then mad. And then really sad. The grieving process is so intense and quick. It changes so much. I forgot until today.

After the news, I immediately started making dinner for this poor family. Comfort food. Homemade rolls. Lots of crying. Trying to gather myself so that I can be strong for them when I deliver the food. Gracie helped me, she's such a good person and a good sister. We cried together. Isabella came with us to deliver the food, but she had to stay in the van. Tiffany brought an amazing looking and smelling cake. (thankyou) We left the food in the hands of our neighbors. Gave lots of hugs, I gave lots of kisses. I told them how sorry I was. Megan told me she was sorry. "It happened right next to you" she said. I told her, "don't be sorry. This is NOT your fault. I am sorry. You shouldn't have to go through this." Again lots of tight hugs. We will be bringing dinner for them all week. Either Ronald or Grant (my brother) will be mowing. I might need more help for them. It is all overwhelming to me.

I am sad for my neighbors. I cannot imagine loosing my own father or husband in this way. It makes me so sad. When my daddy came home, I asked him if I could hug him. We hugged tight for at least a minute. I was hugging him for me, and also for that child who no longer has a daddy to hug. They don't have the gospel. I want them to have the peace we can receive from our Savior and the Holy Ghost. I pray for them often that they will have it, feel it, often. Please, pray for them. The Rolands. For Megan and Ryan. They need lots of love and prayers.

More on our family at a later date, when I am done grieving with my neighbors.

I edited this post on 8/1/2010. I had my information wrong. But this is all still so very tragic.