My Kids are NOT attending public middle or high school....EVER!

OH

MY



WORD!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so Grace was showing me the dance guidelines for her high school dance. I will now quote from the paper.

"Appropriate dancing shall be required at all times. What constitutes appropriate dancing is left to the descretion of the chaperone. However, students are to refrain from the following:

Inappropriate dancing

• Students may not bend over, place their hands on the floor or wrap their legs around other persons.
• Students may not pull dresses above their thighs or wear trousers below their waists. The exposure of private parts and undergarments is strictly prohibited.
• GROPING IS PROHIBITED.
• Students may not dance in a manner that simulates sexual acts. Front or back grinding and/or sandwich dancing will not be allowed."

Oh my word! Are you kidding me? This is outrageous that they have to specifically state these things in a letter for parents and students to sign. It was bad when I was in high school 10 years ago, but not THIS bad! Thank goodness for youth dances, now they just need to happen a little more often.

My kids will not be attending school, ever....well, I don't know, but still......GEESH!

I was wrong

Last night I told you about my neighbors. I had one major piece of information wrong. I thought it was the father of the house, Mr. Roland, who had lost his life. I was wrong. He is alive and well. His oldest daughter lost her husband. She is 23. She has a five year old son with this man. This sweet little boy doesn't know that his daddy isn't here any more. They are telling him today.

So please pray specifically for Megan and Ryan. I don't know their last name, since she got married. I cannot imagine. This makes things so much harder for me now. But I'm glad I have my information straight. It's a good thing I checked on them this morning. Now I know why Megan was crying soooo hard yesterday. Poor sweet girl. Oh man. Pray for me to be able to help her, too.

Thank you all.

A difficult day

This weekend has been very emotional for me.

Yesterday was my birthday, number 27! I think I am doing great things, and looking lovely. I like being 27. I was very emotional when I for real got up for the day. (The first time I got up was when I went to try out my new birthday gift...a gym membership! Whoo hoo!) I am alive. I am well. I feel normal now. I cried and cried thinking how sad this day would have been if Heavenly Father had not spared my life February 11th, when he brought my son into this world. And now, here I am, at home, doing just fine. All three of my beautiful children are happy and for the most part healthy. Ronald and I are doing well. We are blessed with so many things. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ in our home and our lives. It was a good, but very emotional day.

Today, we woke up late (9:30-10am) since we had dinner with mom last night. (Sorry about last night, mommy.) Ronald was playing softball with the Elder's quorum from church, so I thought we would go and support/watch him. I originally wasn't going to. While we were there, there was drama happening in our neighborhood.

We got home, had the police search our house to make sure that our neighbor who wasn't doing so good and had a gun and was threatening suicide wasn't in our home. He wasn't, so we put the kids down for their naps and Ronald got ready for work. The kids didn't nap. Ronald made it to work. Our neighbor took his life. Right next to our property line. On the other side of my Uncle's parcel of land. My brother Tanner told me. At first I was shocked. Then mad. And then really sad. The grieving process is so intense and quick. It changes so much. I forgot until today.

After the news, I immediately started making dinner for this poor family. Comfort food. Homemade rolls. Lots of crying. Trying to gather myself so that I can be strong for them when I deliver the food. Gracie helped me, she's such a good person and a good sister. We cried together. Isabella came with us to deliver the food, but she had to stay in the van. Tiffany brought an amazing looking and smelling cake. (thankyou) We left the food in the hands of our neighbors. Gave lots of hugs, I gave lots of kisses. I told them how sorry I was. Megan told me she was sorry. "It happened right next to you" she said. I told her, "don't be sorry. This is NOT your fault. I am sorry. You shouldn't have to go through this." Again lots of tight hugs. We will be bringing dinner for them all week. Either Ronald or Grant (my brother) will be mowing. I might need more help for them. It is all overwhelming to me.

I am sad for my neighbors. I cannot imagine loosing my own father or husband in this way. It makes me so sad. When my daddy came home, I asked him if I could hug him. We hugged tight for at least a minute. I was hugging him for me, and also for that child who no longer has a daddy to hug. They don't have the gospel. I want them to have the peace we can receive from our Savior and the Holy Ghost. I pray for them often that they will have it, feel it, often. Please, pray for them. The Rolands. For Megan and Ryan. They need lots of love and prayers.

More on our family at a later date, when I am done grieving with my neighbors.

I edited this post on 8/1/2010. I had my information wrong. But this is all still so very tragic.

AHHHHHH!

HELP! Our computer isn't working!!!!! And all of my pictures are on there!!!!

Anyone know how to retrieve pictures off of a non-working computer? It turns on, and that is it....no picture on the screen...I think I want to cry.

Speaking of crying, that's all I've been doing this weekend. Crazy family stuff going on, not fun. Four of our seven chicken got eaten by a fox, again, because I forgot to put them away after the crazy family stuff. Felix has a really really bad cough. I'm hoping it's just from the crazy family stuff and maybe the weather, and that is it...I hope. I take him to see a doctor tomorrow morning.

On better notes, Felix's doctor's appointments went well. His eyes are looking good. He will have his corrective surgery in mid August. His feet are starting to pull up, which isn't good, so that's why they are going to do it then. It'll give him a little more time to grow.

I hope I can sleep tonight. I'm so tired (which is lovely!), so I'm hoping I can sleep well. My mind needs to rest.

Can I scream? And cry at the same time? I think so.

I feel complete...finally.

Felix has been home for almost 30 hours now. It still doesn't seem real to me, but I do finally feel normal. I cried quite a bit Wednesday when I walked out of Mount Washington with my baby in my arms. It felt too good to be true. It had been too long, 18 weeks and 6 days too long. That's how long this road has been for me folks. I know that there are others out there that have had their babies taken from them, that and some who have had their child in the hospital for even longer than I have. I don't know how they do it. I don't know how I do it. Actually, I do. Faith, prayers, TEARS, and patience. I thought I was patient, but Heavenly Father showed me what it really means to have patience. I think I have learned.

I finally feel whole. Complete. Myself, well, mostly...I still have some healing to do. Our family is whole. We are all home now. What a beautiful blessing it is. Isabella and Alexander LOVE and ADORE Felix. They are good siblings. They are sweet. I have seen a side of Alexander that I haven't seen before. Not that he isn't usually sweet, but he's just always so WILD. Not around "Baby". He is calm, affectionate, gentle, and very very sweet around "Baby". He always says, "Baby, hold it". It's sweet. And Isabella, what can I say? She is just so much sweeter around Felix. When he cries she will say, "awww, mami, he needs me." So cute.

So, here are a few (not really a few, but I did pick and choose) pictures from yesterday. Felix is a CHAMP when it comes to nursing. We had a fun night last night. It felt good to be tired this morning. I need to take more pictures, especially of the kids with Felix. Life is better now.

Crying all the way down.

His first real ride in a car.

YAY! BABY!

He was not put down for a LONG time. We love to rock and sing.

He is happy to be home.

Ronald had said that now our family and home feels right. I couldn't agree more.

His first REAL BATH at home! He loved it, of course.

A view of his spina bifida bump. One day he won't have his little "bunny tail" anymore. I'm not sure yet when that day is. He meets with Dr. Carson again tomorrow morning. I'm hoping that he won't need the surgery yet. I'd like to be able to enjoy having my baby home for a while.

So, since I am feeling better now, HOPEFULLY I will be up to blogging more. I think I will be able to make it happen.

Thank you all SO MUCH for all of your faithful prayers on behalf of our family. I know that those prayers helded Felix and I to heal, to get us through the really rough times, and I am sure that it helped to get him home. The most sincere thanks.

Father's Day

Just a few pictures from Father's Day. Our kids sure do love their papi, and for a good reason. He's silly, fun, and LOVES to be with our kiddos.

My girl

"Mami, can you take a picture of me with the chickens and my motocicleta?"

Me smiling, "Sure honey."

We do love our chickens. As Isabella says, "now they get to play by thereselves in the yard because they are getting bigger." I love this girly.

Tanner

My baby brother, Tanner (not quite a baby....almost 21!) is quite the musician. He hasn't taken any lessons, but boy, is he talented. I HAD to do a photo shoot of him, the sun was perfect, and everything was ideal. He cooperated, probably just because he was playing music. Any other time, he wouldn't have let me take his picture. I am very pleased with the results. These are my favorite.

I love you Tanner!

This is the face he ALWAYS makes when creating music.

Guess what?

Felix is coming home today!

We are getting ready to head out the door and bring our sweep baby home. This is 4 1/2 months overdue. I am looking forward to this.

Pictures to come...

Love is this...

Primary Night nurse (she had him from the very beginning), Kathy

Primary Day nurse, Susan
Seeing baby Felix for the first time

This is ALL I want

And this is all Nanny wants

Then and now

Felix, just a few days old

Felix on his due date, May 17

He's lost some hair, but has gained LOTS of weight. My sweet baby. I love you, son.

It's that time of the year

I apoligize for not updating in FOREVER. I have been depressed. I still am. Most days I'm okay. But for the last week or so, I have not been. On Monday, May 17th, Felix was transfered to Mount Washington Pediatrics. This was a good day. I should've been happy since he's no longer in intensive care. He was 7 lbs. 14.5 ozs when they checked him in. I should've been beyond happy. This day was his due date. Darn it all....I hate crying. I thought I was okay with blogging, but I'm not. I'm still so emotional. I hate it. I was painfully hiding all of my emotions that day. I was trying to be happy. I still am trying. Trying hard. My big belly never came. I got to see my baby grow on the outside, when he should've been growing on the inside. Sometimes I have thought, it's kind of cool. But friends, it is not. It is a difficult journy to witness. I have a few friends that are pregnant. They are all so beautiful. And showing. Friends, I am happy for you. I am. Please don't find me odd if I want to hold your belly when it gets bigger. I need to hold a big belly. I might cry. (not might....I will) According to my pregnancy history with my other two children, I should have a 2 week old baby at home. I should have very full and sore breasts. I should be exhausted. I have none of those things. I have a 14 week old baby boy who still is not home. I am well rested. My breasts are not sore. I have not been pumping as often as I should. I've been pumping for over 3 months now. For my baby that I hardly see. I used to hate that I would leak all of the time, but now, I want to leak. Sad.

So when I went to check Felix into his new home, I was excited to hear when his discharge would be happening. That is something that they tell you right away. They want these children home. I want my child home. The nurse practitioner who is working with my sweet baby said that he would be home, maybe, in 3-4 weeks. And they maybe (accompanied with the expression on her face) sounded and looked like she thought it would be longer than that.

WHAT?!

I cried. That's all I could do. That's all I can do. I try to be positive, but I can't. I just can't anymore. All I want is my baby to come home. I even unpacked and washed all of the baby boy clothes in his size. I washed the bassinet thinking that I would have my son home by the end of the month. That's what the nurse practitioner at Johns Hopkins told me. They said he should be home in 1-2 weeks. Liers. So now I have a huge, over stuffed laundry basket of baby clothes with no where to go. No little body to put on for who knows how long. I thought I could just take them to the hospital. That what I did at Hopkins. Mount Washington suggests not to. Stuff disappears. Are you kidding me?!

On the plus side, Alexander and Isabella can go and see Felix anytime. And up to four people can be by his bedside. So I think Sunday's will be our family time. We will be taking a family picture on Sunday. Oh yes, we will. I will also be staying the night weekly. Probably on Monday's after the kids go to bed.

So friends that are pregnant, please don't avoid me because you are afraid I might be sad seeing a bulging belly. I might cry seeing you, and I might be envious, but I need to see your joy in your pregnancy. And please, please, love me. I can't explain how difficult things are right now for me. I try to be strong. Someone, please, anyone who really cares, let me be weak. Let me cry and just hug me. Don't tell me how good everything is. Just let me cry. Because I need to cry. Please. I am glad that everyone is concerned for Felix. Thanks for your prayers and concerns. Can someone ask me how I am sometime? Because I'm not doing so great. I need someone to care about me, too.

In other news, I have planted a garden and I'm also raising chicks. They are my other babies. They are doing well. The garden is flourishing and the chicks are growing strong and healthy. It helps me to have something to keep me busy.

I will try to be a better blogger, and I will put a picture up soon.

All my love, and thanks.

Much better

Felix is finally starting to really improve. Last week they put him back on the conventional ventilator, finally. He's way less swollen than he has been and is weighing in at about 4 lbs! He's still getting lasix (the diuretic) and is getting bancamiacin and gentamiacin to treat a bacterial infection. He's on full feeds! That's 27 ml every 3 hours...just short of an ounce! But he's actually receiving his feeds continuously because he's been spitting up, and they don't want it to get caught in his lungs. So he's receiving 9 ml every hour of breastmilk.

Speaking of breastmilk, does anyone want some for their baby? Do you know anyone who needs some for their baby? Do you want to keep a TON of it in your freezer? I know this is all gross, but seriously, I need to get it out of my freezer or into a baby belly. My freezer is just about full (it probably will be by the end of this day), and I cannot dump it down the sink. What is the point of pumping if I will just dump it? I know I know....I need to keep up my milk supply, but if I dump it I will feel like I'm wasting my time. And I already hate taking the time to pump. I want my baby! NOT A MACHINE!

Yesterday Ronald and I went to see Felix after church. He looked so good. I asked the nurse if I could hold him and she said no. That's the second time this week I was told no. I don't understand. My favorite nurse Kathy R. doesn't understand either. I know that she had a "talk" with both of those nurses that told me no. Felix is very stable. His ventilator settings are low. I should be able to hold him. I cried yesterday after the nurse left. I went to the other side of the isolette and opened the little door closest to Felix's sweet face. As soon as I got my head right in the little hole (I wish I could fit my head through so I could kiss him, but the hole is too small), he opened his little eyes and looked right at me. We exchanged glances for about 5 minutes. Usually when he opens his eyes, they roll around, but not yesterday. Yesterday he looked right into my eyes. I felt like I was looking into the heavens. I always feel that a birth of a baby is so sacred. They have just come from the presence of our Father in Heaven. It is just that, sacred. Yesterday was different. It was sacred, but more so than I have ever experienced. I felt in awe looking into this little boy's eyes. I know that he is one special baby. He is my miracle baby. He will teach me a lot about life, I just know it.

I don't know if I've said this before, but he really is a miracle baby. When Felix was conceived, Ronald and I were on the brink of divorce, things were really bad. Then we had a week that we were happier with each other, discussed that we would wait to have children until Ronald was done school in 3 years, and shortly after I found out I was pregnant. No one was happy except for me. I was sick all the time (nothing new) and then it ended. Then I bled ALL THE TIME. Then we found out that he had spina bifida. Enter all the doctors telling me that I could abort the pregnancy. Over and over and over. NO! I won't. Then my water broke at 25 weeks and he was born at 26 weeks and 3 days. He was just past that age of viability. The world was working so hard against this little guy, and still is. But he is fighting, hard. Heavenly Father wants him here for some reason. For some period of time. I am grateful that he is fighting so hard. I am grateful that he has helped to heal my marriage with my husband. I love this miracle baby. All babies are miracles. But my Felix is my special little guy. My last baby. He has made me more beautiful. He has given me a chance to be a mami again. He will make me more beautiful in many ways. He's a miracle. I'm glad he's doing much better.

Still critical

Felix is still in critical condition, but he has been doing a little better. I think it's the sunshine. As of today he's on 45% oxygen, which isn't good, but it's way better than 90%. He's off of the dopamine (blood pressure medicine), so they are going to give him some kind of a diuretic (they aren't sure which one yet) so he won't be so swollen. He looks like a fat baby, but he's not. He just has a lot of fluid retention under his skin. Even his little skull is swollen. His lungs still aren't great, but they've been able to decrease the pressure on the oscillator, which is also great.

So, even though he is still critical, he is definitely improving. I'm grateful. Miracles can happen.

I had my doctors appointment (5 weeks already!). I can lift up to 20 lbs now. At first I thought...."woo hoo! I can pick up my kids!", but I can't. Isabella's about 40 lbs., and Alexander is about 30lbs...well, at least I can go grocery shopping by myself and vacuum. In three more weeks I'll be able to hold my bigger babies. Three weeks. I hope it goes by fast. Both of my cervical sutures came out, which was gross, but I'm glad that I'm mostly healed. My stitches in my uterus still haven't dissolved. I'm down to 132lbs, I need to gain some weight. Maybe now that I can actually lift more than a gallon of milk at a time I will gain back some muscles. We shall see.

Today is a beautiful day, in more than one sense. Prayers are answered. Patience in hard.

Critical

Dear friends and family,

Yesterday after Felix's surgery, this sweet little baby was doing just fine. His oxygen levels were very good. They were able to wean him a little from the vent. He did well until Ronald and I left, then he started doing really really bad. He went from being on 30% oxygen support to 95%, and he still didn't have good oxygen in his blood. That is really really bad. So, they changed the type of ventilator that he's on. Now he's on an osilator. It gives him more support in his lungs, more breaths. But he still is on a LOT of oxygen support...88%! This is not good at all.

The upper lobe in his right lung has collapsed. The lower lobe in his left lung is starting to collapse. His lungs are expanding down instead of out. The respiratory therapist said the lungs usually expand down to the 8th rib. They don't like it to expand past the 10th. His are down to the 12th. Not good. The bottom portion of his lungs are not releasing the air, they are holding it all in. This is also not good. There is a possibility that he good develop lung disease, but they aren't sure of it yet. His blood pressure is really really low. Right now it's 44/32. He's on dopamine to help increase his blood pressure. He's still on a morphine drip, and he's getting another blood transfussion. Hopefully the blood will help him get a little more oxygen through his body. He's really really puffy. He doesn't look good at all. It's scary.

The nurse practitioner told me that he is in critical condition, but right now it's not out of their control, which is good. But still, they are worried. It scares the HECK out of me that the nurse practioner is scared. That is sooooo not good.

I am terrified that I'm not going to be able to bring home my son. I'm afraid that he's going to pass away in the hospital. I attended the funeral of a friends new born baby a couple of months ago. It was a painful thing to witness the tiny casket. It was even more painful to see that poor mommy and how heartbroken she was (and still is). I'm afraid that I'm going to experience that. I don't know if I could. I know that it is such a blessing to have Felix here. To be able to see him, to watch him grow. I also know that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. I hope that his plan for Felix included him being able to come home with us and to continue to grow and develop, but I don't know. Only Heavenly Father knows. I hope that this is not Felix's big trial. I know it sounds terrible, but I want him to have other trials besides these. I need to trust in my Father.

Everything will be okay.
Everything will be okay.
Everything will be okay.

Can I really convince myself of that? I'm not so sure.

A very sweet lady told me Friday night that she dreamt that I brought Felix home. What a beautiful dream. I cried. I wish I would have that dream. I hope it comes true.

So, I feel bad for asking, but would you all pray your hardest for my Felix. Pray that he might be able to continue to fight here. Please. And pray for me that I will have comfort. I need it more than ever. I can't describe how difficult this is. To not know if your baby is going to make it or not. I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I really don't. Pray for us.

Please.

Hopefully there will be better news soon. I need good news.

Maybe Michael Jackson is really alive! That would be good news... ha ha.

Love and hugs and many thanks (and tears) from the NICU.

Surgery

Yesterday Felix turned 1 month old. One month of new life for us both. What a blessing. He was supposed to have his surgery to close his PDA yesterday morning. They rescheduled it for today. I'm glad he didn't have it on his birthday. I made him a little "birth-day" present Wednesday night. It's a tiny little blankie. It's huge on him, but it really is very small. As of yesterday, he's 3 lbs 3 oz., but some of it is just water weight. That should go away real soon.

This morning Felix got his PDA ligated. I will be able to go back and see him very soon. They said everything went well. I will believe that when I see him. I hope he's comfortable. I don't want my baby to be in pain. I was TERRIFIED that he was going to experience the same thing that I did during delivery. Total blood loss. He didn't, not at all. I will never be able to view surgery the same again. It will always terrify me. I hope there aren't a whole lot of surgery's coming our way.

Hopefully, now that the PDA is ligated, I will be able to hold my baby soon in kangaroo care (skin to skin). It's been almost 2 weeks since I last held him. Monday he will be 31 weeks gestationally. I can't believe it! He's going to start getting bigger really fast, and hopefully his suck reflex will come in the next couple of weeks. We shall see.

Signing off from the NICU at Johns Hopkins. I will post pictures later.

An apology

Last week I went to a Stake Young Women's meeting. It was great to get out of the house and to be with the YW's presidency that I love and had missed so much. But at the same time, I wish that I didn't go for two reasons.

1. There was a very pregnant woman who walked into a liquor store near the church. At first I saw her belly and was very sad. I never got anywhere near that big this time. I barely made it to 6 months. And I am not allowed to ever be pregnant again because it's too dangerous. I'm only 26! I'm too young to be told I can't have any more kids! Then when I saw her go into the store, I became ANGRY. What was she doing?! Maybe she was buying a lotto ticket, or something for someone else....I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE. I seriously had my hand on the seat belt and was ready to get out of the car. But the light turned green and we moved. Good thing the light turned. I probably would've embarrassed myself.

2. Before the real "get down to business" part of our meeting started, we all got a little something to eat from the table in the back of the room. As I was filling my plate and talking to Megan B. from my old ward, a new mom and her brand new brought home from the hospital baby walked in the door. I started crying immediately and said "I can't do this." I quickly went up to my seat and sat down hoping that I would just be able to forget that they were back there. Then the baby cried. Then I cried. I was angry at that mom. Didn't she know what I was going through? I didn't get to see my baby that day because my Mom was sick. I missed him dearly. How DARE she bring her baby with her! I felt like she was rubbing it in my face. Look what I have and you don't! Then she was nursing her baby. OH MAN. You don't know how many times I was about to get up and walk out the door. I wanted to go and take her baby from her and RUN like the wind. How would she like it if she didn't have her baby? I seriously couldn't take it. BUT, lucky for me, I was cozy in between two lovely ladies that made it easier for me to stay. Tiffany, you must have known every single time I was about to go because you would either put your arm around me or talk to me, and then I had to stay. So thank you. And Geri, thank you so so much for offering to take me to see Felix the next day. That made things better.

I needed to stay for that meeting. I needed to feel the spirit that was there. I needed to here the guidance from President Clover at the end of the meeting and how we need to be better leaders and what we need to do to help our girls. I'm glad that Tiffany kept interrupting my attempts to leave. Otherwise I would've never heard those things.

When I got home that night, I thought a lot about my feelings. I felt TERRIBLE. I should not have been angry at either of those mom's. The first very pregnany mom, I should've been concerned, but not irrate. And that second beautiful and blessed mother, I don't know who she is, and she doesn't know me. How unfair of me to think that she was trying to hurt me. She had no idea what I was or am going through. I should not have been mad at her. I should not have been jealous. I should be happy for her that she can hold and feed and nurture her little one. I am so very sorry that I had those irrational feelings. I wish that I could go back and hug them both and tell them to take care of their sweet babies. To love them and nurture them and pray for them. I wish I could congradulate them. Repentence is hard sometimes. I never thought I would have a hard time repenting of my feelings, but I am. I am truly sorry. Please, everyone, forgive me. I need to forgive me, too. I am greatful for the atonement. I am greatful for my children. I love my family; my husband especially. I'm glad that Jesus Christ understands my emotions. He can help plead to Heavenly Father in my behalf as I plead for forgiveness. I am sorry. I will become better.

My sons are not animals

Felix is doing okay. He's almost 3 lbs! And he's 14 1/2 inches long. He is getting so big! It still sad to me every day that he's in the hospital, but at the same time, it's kind of neat to see him grow on the outside how he would be growing on the inside. This little man is still on the ventilator, and his settings are pretty high, which is frustrating for me. I'm sure one day he'll be off of it. His PDA is still open. As of today, the doctors are not sure if they are going to do surgury to close his PDA or not. They are doing a blood culture to make sure that he doesn't have any infections, first, and then they will go from there. He's also receiving 4cc's of my breastmilk every 4 hours! He's moving up in the world!

Despite the pictures of a cute little tail and a new found way to drink, I swear my boys are indeed boys.

Talking with my son. (Thanks for taking pictures Geri!)

Look how big he's getting! He's finally starting to get a little fat in his cheeks and chin. It's not much, but it's starting to form! WOO-HOO!
His little "bunny tail". That's his spina bifida. That will be corrected at a later date. Right now he's way too small for that surgury. BUT the good news is that he's peeing like a champ and moving his legs all around. I love his little tail. It's really soft to the touch and just so stinkin' cute!

All of his hair.

My son Alexander is 17 months old. He LOVES to climb on everything, tear everything apart, destroy stuff, and make a HUGE mess. I think his father was like this as a child, from what I've heard. Here is Alexander dumping water into a bowl on the table.

Very pleased with himself, and pleased that we all thought he was very funny.

Here doggy doggy. haha....silly choo choo. He LOVED licking the water out of the bowl. And he got it all out of there, too.

Happy happy day

Last Tuesday, on our 2 week and 5 day birth/rebirth day, I got to hold Felix for the first time. It was the most wonderful thing EVER. When Mom and I got to the NICU, his nurse asked if I had held Felix yet and I told him I had not. She then (without my knowing it) tracked down the Nurse Practioner and the Respiratory Therapist and asked them if I could hold my sweet baby. They said yes, but only for a short period of time, maybe 10 minutes. When Kathy (his nurse, and my FAVORITE nurse....and not just because she got Felix into my arms) told me that I would be holding Felix, I cried and cried. She cried with me. A lot of people in that room cried with me.

I had been praying for quite some time that I would get to hold my son. I felt like I was never going to be able to hold him. Every day seems like a week when you have a baby in the NICU. I was having a hard time being patient. BUT, Heavenly Father answered my prayer and let me hold my sweet tiny son for 15 minutes! It seemed like 2, but I was so glad to hold him.

When they placed him in my arms, it didn't really feel like he was there. He was so small! I didn't know if I was allowed to kiss him or not (silly, huh?), so I asked and they said kiss away! I have never been afraid of kissing my babies, but I was afraid of kissing him. I had just been sick with a nasty stomach bug a few days prior, and I didn't want him to get sick. I was also afraid that I would suffocate him or something, since he is so small. But once I got those first few kisses out, I let him have it. And guess what, he liked it. Sweet boy. I can't wait to kiss him some more.

Mom changed Gabe's diaper because I was too weak to do it. (Mom calls Felix "Gabe". She didn't like the name Felix, even though now she says it's growing on her. But she will always call him "Gabe" because he's her angel baby.)

LOOK! His belly button fell off! (not really....just his umbillical cord) That made me sad, but it's fun to see his cute little button.
This is when he was being wrapped up so I could hold him. That shirt is one of the newborn standard hosptial shirts. It was as big as him.

All ready for Mami.

My favorite picture. Boy was I crying. Happy that I could hold my baby, but sad that it took so long before I was able to hold him.

An upclose look at my son. I must say, he is quite handsome.

Kisses

Me and Mommy (Nanny) and Felix