A difficult day

This weekend has been very emotional for me.

Yesterday was my birthday, number 27! I think I am doing great things, and looking lovely. I like being 27. I was very emotional when I for real got up for the day. (The first time I got up was when I went to try out my new birthday gift...a gym membership! Whoo hoo!) I am alive. I am well. I feel normal now. I cried and cried thinking how sad this day would have been if Heavenly Father had not spared my life February 11th, when he brought my son into this world. And now, here I am, at home, doing just fine. All three of my beautiful children are happy and for the most part healthy. Ronald and I are doing well. We are blessed with so many things. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ in our home and our lives. It was a good, but very emotional day.

Today, we woke up late (9:30-10am) since we had dinner with mom last night. (Sorry about last night, mommy.) Ronald was playing softball with the Elder's quorum from church, so I thought we would go and support/watch him. I originally wasn't going to. While we were there, there was drama happening in our neighborhood.

We got home, had the police search our house to make sure that our neighbor who wasn't doing so good and had a gun and was threatening suicide wasn't in our home. He wasn't, so we put the kids down for their naps and Ronald got ready for work. The kids didn't nap. Ronald made it to work. Our neighbor took his life. Right next to our property line. On the other side of my Uncle's parcel of land. My brother Tanner told me. At first I was shocked. Then mad. And then really sad. The grieving process is so intense and quick. It changes so much. I forgot until today.

After the news, I immediately started making dinner for this poor family. Comfort food. Homemade rolls. Lots of crying. Trying to gather myself so that I can be strong for them when I deliver the food. Gracie helped me, she's such a good person and a good sister. We cried together. Isabella came with us to deliver the food, but she had to stay in the van. Tiffany brought an amazing looking and smelling cake. (thankyou) We left the food in the hands of our neighbors. Gave lots of hugs, I gave lots of kisses. I told them how sorry I was. Megan told me she was sorry. "It happened right next to you" she said. I told her, "don't be sorry. This is NOT your fault. I am sorry. You shouldn't have to go through this." Again lots of tight hugs. We will be bringing dinner for them all week. Either Ronald or Grant (my brother) will be mowing. I might need more help for them. It is all overwhelming to me.

I am sad for my neighbors. I cannot imagine loosing my own father or husband in this way. It makes me so sad. When my daddy came home, I asked him if I could hug him. We hugged tight for at least a minute. I was hugging him for me, and also for that child who no longer has a daddy to hug. They don't have the gospel. I want them to have the peace we can receive from our Savior and the Holy Ghost. I pray for them often that they will have it, feel it, often. Please, pray for them. The Rolands. For Megan and Ryan. They need lots of love and prayers.

More on our family at a later date, when I am done grieving with my neighbors.

I edited this post on 8/1/2010. I had my information wrong. But this is all still so very tragic.

AHHHHHH!

HELP! Our computer isn't working!!!!! And all of my pictures are on there!!!!

Anyone know how to retrieve pictures off of a non-working computer? It turns on, and that is it....no picture on the screen...I think I want to cry.

Speaking of crying, that's all I've been doing this weekend. Crazy family stuff going on, not fun. Four of our seven chicken got eaten by a fox, again, because I forgot to put them away after the crazy family stuff. Felix has a really really bad cough. I'm hoping it's just from the crazy family stuff and maybe the weather, and that is it...I hope. I take him to see a doctor tomorrow morning.

On better notes, Felix's doctor's appointments went well. His eyes are looking good. He will have his corrective surgery in mid August. His feet are starting to pull up, which isn't good, so that's why they are going to do it then. It'll give him a little more time to grow.

I hope I can sleep tonight. I'm so tired (which is lovely!), so I'm hoping I can sleep well. My mind needs to rest.

Can I scream? And cry at the same time? I think so.

I feel complete...finally.

Felix has been home for almost 30 hours now. It still doesn't seem real to me, but I do finally feel normal. I cried quite a bit Wednesday when I walked out of Mount Washington with my baby in my arms. It felt too good to be true. It had been too long, 18 weeks and 6 days too long. That's how long this road has been for me folks. I know that there are others out there that have had their babies taken from them, that and some who have had their child in the hospital for even longer than I have. I don't know how they do it. I don't know how I do it. Actually, I do. Faith, prayers, TEARS, and patience. I thought I was patient, but Heavenly Father showed me what it really means to have patience. I think I have learned.

I finally feel whole. Complete. Myself, well, mostly...I still have some healing to do. Our family is whole. We are all home now. What a beautiful blessing it is. Isabella and Alexander LOVE and ADORE Felix. They are good siblings. They are sweet. I have seen a side of Alexander that I haven't seen before. Not that he isn't usually sweet, but he's just always so WILD. Not around "Baby". He is calm, affectionate, gentle, and very very sweet around "Baby". He always says, "Baby, hold it". It's sweet. And Isabella, what can I say? She is just so much sweeter around Felix. When he cries she will say, "awww, mami, he needs me." So cute.

So, here are a few (not really a few, but I did pick and choose) pictures from yesterday. Felix is a CHAMP when it comes to nursing. We had a fun night last night. It felt good to be tired this morning. I need to take more pictures, especially of the kids with Felix. Life is better now.

Crying all the way down.

His first real ride in a car.

YAY! BABY!

He was not put down for a LONG time. We love to rock and sing.

He is happy to be home.

Ronald had said that now our family and home feels right. I couldn't agree more.

His first REAL BATH at home! He loved it, of course.

A view of his spina bifida bump. One day he won't have his little "bunny tail" anymore. I'm not sure yet when that day is. He meets with Dr. Carson again tomorrow morning. I'm hoping that he won't need the surgery yet. I'd like to be able to enjoy having my baby home for a while.

So, since I am feeling better now, HOPEFULLY I will be up to blogging more. I think I will be able to make it happen.

Thank you all SO MUCH for all of your faithful prayers on behalf of our family. I know that those prayers helded Felix and I to heal, to get us through the really rough times, and I am sure that it helped to get him home. The most sincere thanks.

Father's Day

Just a few pictures from Father's Day. Our kids sure do love their papi, and for a good reason. He's silly, fun, and LOVES to be with our kiddos.

My girl

"Mami, can you take a picture of me with the chickens and my motocicleta?"

Me smiling, "Sure honey."

We do love our chickens. As Isabella says, "now they get to play by thereselves in the yard because they are getting bigger." I love this girly.

Tanner

My baby brother, Tanner (not quite a baby....almost 21!) is quite the musician. He hasn't taken any lessons, but boy, is he talented. I HAD to do a photo shoot of him, the sun was perfect, and everything was ideal. He cooperated, probably just because he was playing music. Any other time, he wouldn't have let me take his picture. I am very pleased with the results. These are my favorite.

I love you Tanner!

This is the face he ALWAYS makes when creating music.

Guess what?

Felix is coming home today!

We are getting ready to head out the door and bring our sweep baby home. This is 4 1/2 months overdue. I am looking forward to this.

Pictures to come...