I am home

I am home. They discharged me on Tuesday. It was bittersweet. I was so very excited to see my children and to be home (I had been in the hospital for 9 days), but I was very very sad to leave behind my little Felix. Yesterday I rested all day long. My body needed it. When I was awake (to pump), I would cry. I wanted to be nursing my baby, not pumping. I want to wake to a crying baby, not an alarm. But seeing that he's only 27 weeks (gestationally), he won't be ready to nurse for at least 5-8 weeks. I'm hoping for the 5, and not the 8, but I'll take what I can get. I am recovering well, considering what happened. My whole body aches, and the pains I feel are weird. I having c-section pains, plus other weird pains. Today I did a lot of walking around. Well, maybe not a lot, but for me it was. I ate dinner at the table with my children this evening (Ronald was at school). I told Isabella I'd be eating in the kitchen and she said "I'm so excited!" It's good to be home.

Today Felix is one week old. He is doing very well. He's on 2.5 liters of oxygen, and they started feeds (2cc's over 3 hours). So far he's tolerating it. Tomorrow my Mom is taking me to see my baby Felix. I get to hold him! (As long as he's still doing well.) This is the first time I will be allowed to hold him...I'm sure I will cry, tears of sadness and of joy.

A week ago today, I gave my life to give my son life. I lost all of my blood, and the ability to clot blood. It took 10 liters of fluid to get me back to being alive. It took a team of AMAZING doctors to help me. Those doctors will be getting letters and invitations for years to come. I am greatful to them. A week ago today Heavenly Father so graciously gave me back my life. I am eternally greatful that I get to continue to live on this beautiful earth and be with my husband and my children. Heavenly Father has plans for me, and I want to fulfill them. I see everything in a new life now. How blessed I am.

Here are a few pictures from the last week. And again, thank you EVERYONE for your faith, and prayers and thoughts. You really don't know how much it means to me and my family. Your prayers helped pull me through, I'm sure of it. I love you all, even if I don't know you.

Felix the day he was born.

This is me in the SICU. I was VERY swollen because of all the fluids. Ronald didn't want to take this picture, but it was important to me. He was very patient with me and kind, especially since I couldn't talk. I love this man. I'm greatful that we can continue our earthly journey together.
Ronald's hand and Felix's foot. His feet are so long, but so tiny.

My first time really seeing my son. I cried and cried. I got to see him before I was let back to my room. This was Friday afternoon.

So very greatful to have this man in my life. I love you baby.

Seeing Isabella for the first time after a torturous week. I cried hard. She said "Mami, why are you sad?" How do you explain that to a 3 year old. We hugged for a long time.

My favorite picture.

Saying goodbye to Felix. One of the hardest things I've done. It's also the first time I saw his cute little nose and his head of hair.

My sweet angel baby. I love you, son.