Another time

Mom and I went to the hopstial last night to see my sweet baby boy. I was looking forward to holding him. That did not happen. His heart rate is still dropping, so they are going to wait until his heart is stable before I can hold him. His PDA (and artery that is between his two main arteries of his heart) hasn't closed off. This usually closes with full term babies on it's own. They are giving him ibprofen to help close it. I'm hoping it will work. If it doesn't, then he will need surgery to clamp it closed. I did get to check his temperature and change his diaper. I know it sounds silly, but I was very excited to do those things. Two of my doctors came into the NICU to see me. I cried as soon as I saw them, got up and gave them both a HUGE hug. I love them. I really do. The nurse informed me that I'm not allowed to bring in any more breast milk for a little while. Each baby is allowed 3 bins of milk in the freezer, Felix's are full. What can I say, I love making the milkies for my baby. Here are a few pictures from our visit last night.

Sleeping on his belly.

That stethoscope is so tiny. It doesn't look so tiny on him, but it is.
Changing his diaper. I was SOOOO excited when the nurse asked me if I wanted to change him. I want to help take care of him every opportunity I can.

I was a little nervous, he's so small, and I was afraid I'd hurt him or something.

Mom (Nanny) and Felix holding hands. I love his sweet, long fingers.

Ronald and I are going to see Felix every Sunday together. I look forward to that. Yesterday was a good day (minus the fact that I couldn't hold my baby). Felix is back up to 2 lbs. and is doing very well. I am so thankful for that. I am exhausted, which is frustrating, but I will rest some more today so I can see my baby tomorrow. I love this boy.

I am home

I am home. They discharged me on Tuesday. It was bittersweet. I was so very excited to see my children and to be home (I had been in the hospital for 9 days), but I was very very sad to leave behind my little Felix. Yesterday I rested all day long. My body needed it. When I was awake (to pump), I would cry. I wanted to be nursing my baby, not pumping. I want to wake to a crying baby, not an alarm. But seeing that he's only 27 weeks (gestationally), he won't be ready to nurse for at least 5-8 weeks. I'm hoping for the 5, and not the 8, but I'll take what I can get. I am recovering well, considering what happened. My whole body aches, and the pains I feel are weird. I having c-section pains, plus other weird pains. Today I did a lot of walking around. Well, maybe not a lot, but for me it was. I ate dinner at the table with my children this evening (Ronald was at school). I told Isabella I'd be eating in the kitchen and she said "I'm so excited!" It's good to be home.

Today Felix is one week old. He is doing very well. He's on 2.5 liters of oxygen, and they started feeds (2cc's over 3 hours). So far he's tolerating it. Tomorrow my Mom is taking me to see my baby Felix. I get to hold him! (As long as he's still doing well.) This is the first time I will be allowed to hold him...I'm sure I will cry, tears of sadness and of joy.

A week ago today, I gave my life to give my son life. I lost all of my blood, and the ability to clot blood. It took 10 liters of fluid to get me back to being alive. It took a team of AMAZING doctors to help me. Those doctors will be getting letters and invitations for years to come. I am greatful to them. A week ago today Heavenly Father so graciously gave me back my life. I am eternally greatful that I get to continue to live on this beautiful earth and be with my husband and my children. Heavenly Father has plans for me, and I want to fulfill them. I see everything in a new life now. How blessed I am.

Here are a few pictures from the last week. And again, thank you EVERYONE for your faith, and prayers and thoughts. You really don't know how much it means to me and my family. Your prayers helped pull me through, I'm sure of it. I love you all, even if I don't know you.

Felix the day he was born.

This is me in the SICU. I was VERY swollen because of all the fluids. Ronald didn't want to take this picture, but it was important to me. He was very patient with me and kind, especially since I couldn't talk. I love this man. I'm greatful that we can continue our earthly journey together.
Ronald's hand and Felix's foot. His feet are so long, but so tiny.

My first time really seeing my son. I cried and cried. I got to see him before I was let back to my room. This was Friday afternoon.

So very greatful to have this man in my life. I love you baby.

Seeing Isabella for the first time after a torturous week. I cried hard. She said "Mami, why are you sad?" How do you explain that to a 3 year old. We hugged for a long time.

My favorite picture.

Saying goodbye to Felix. One of the hardest things I've done. It's also the first time I saw his cute little nose and his head of hair.

My sweet angel baby. I love you, son.

Thank You For Your Prayers

Caitlin is doing very well and improving by the hour. After the laceration on Caitlin's cervix was closed, interventive radiology had to go through one of her main arteries in her right leg to get to her uterus to stop it from bleeding. The procedure as of now has been successful. We were informed by the doctors yesterday that Caitlin had lost all of her blood. They used a total of about 5 liters of blood to resuscitate her. I know that everyone's prayers were heard and answered. The elders from the Inner Harbor Ward were also here to assist with a blessing. Cailin's rapid improvement has been a miracle and a blessing. Little Felix is also doing amazing. Words can't express on how blessed I feel about her recovery and the baby. I'm also extremely appreciative to all of those who have been supporting us through our trial.

When upon life's billows ye are tempest tossed. When you are discouraged thinking all is lost. Count your many blessings name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done. These are the lyrics that have been going through my head repeatedly.

Please Keep Caitlin In Your Prayers!

Caitlin Delivered the baby at 6:43 am Thursday. The baby (Felix) is doing great and he's currently in the ICU at John's Hopkins. Felix ended up weighing 2lbs 3oz. Caitlin however is currently not due to a laceration which has caused excessive amount of bleeding. The excessive amount of blood loss caused her to have blood transfusions. I am currently waiting with her mother for the doctors to update us on her condition. One of the things I would ask is if you can pray for her so the procedures are successful. Also if you can pray for me as it has been a very difficult morning would be appreciated. We love you all. God be with us!

Not the change I want

Today has been an uneventful day until 7:30pm. I went from having 1-2 contractions per hour to a painful contration every 5 mins. I am scared. This baby is just 26 weeks today. He's not even 2 lbs. yet, and according to the ultrasound they did today, he's 2 weeks smaller than he should be. Please please pray for us. Pray that my baby boy will live. Pray that I will continue to be strong, because right now I'm having a very very hard time.

I love you all. Thank you for your love, support, care, friendship, and prayers.

By the way, my new room number at Johns Hopkins is 410-502-4287. That is the direct line. I don't know how much longer I will be in here tonight, but that's our number for now. If you try to call after 10pm, call 410-955-5825. I'm in room 269.

Ronald is here with me now and is going to stay. The doctors said to not be surprised if the baby comes soon, since things are changing so drastically. I'm still not dialated anymore, but they want me to inform them of any changes I feel since they can't do a lot of mauel exams, since it could cause infection. I am comforted and greatful that he's here, and since his school is canceled tomorrow, we don't have to worry too much about him missing anything new.

Sigh. I can get through this. I have to.

Update for Caitlin

I'm updating the post for my wife Caitlin. Caitlin is in her 26th week of pregnancy and has encountered more complications as of Sunday the 7th of February. At 5 am Sunday she called her doctor since she believed that her water had broken during her sleep. Her doctor informed her to call an ambulance to have her transported to John Hopkins. Sure enough, the doctors at John Hopkins informed her that her water was broken. She was admitted into the hospital so doctors can monitor and prevent any serious infection. Her due date is 14 weeks away.

Caitlin needs all the support she can get for the remaining weeks at the hospital. It will be a very difficult time for her, especially since she will not be able to physically see Isabella and Alexander.

You can contact Caitlin at John Hopkins (410)955-5850 birth room #2. She would love to hear from you.

Thank you to all whom have come together to help out our family during our stressful time.

Home

I am home. We went all the way down to Johns Hopkins and got checked out.

Sure enough, I was having very frequent contractions. I am a 1cm dialated (which I wasn't on Tuesday) and 25% effaced. sigh. They told me to stop taking the medication that I'm currantly on and switched me to a different one. They sent me home since my cervix didn't change while I was there. I'm supposed to go back if I have worsening contractions/cramping/bleeding. I hope I don't, but I'm not crossing my fingers.

Thank you for your prayers. I appreciate each and every one. Hugs.